I cannot go back

I cannot go back to that old reality which revolved around confusion, weakness, and sadness.

I'am to create a new reality which suits my higher being...one which fully serves the purpose that I'm created for.

I'm closing that part of my life. That fun filled, youthful, careless, confusing, tormenting, depressing part of my life ....and I'm sending it my love as we part ways.  That part of my life will always live in me.

Musings of a 30 year old - Think Forrest Gump

Relationships are complicated because, in any relationship “expectations” is only quite normal. I mean, that’s what makes it a relationship…it is two ways…if it is one way then it’s kind of a monologue… Or, I don’t know.  You engage in a moment with someone because you expect…you expect kindness, trust, sincerity and all of that…you expect that it’s safe and you can get things done together, or cherish the time together.

Expectations exist because time is crucial. If you give your time to someone, who you don’t expect to treat you right, then isn’t it only a waste of time? Not unless, you’re in it for the “life experience”. Besides, how can you take care of yourself and your time if you don’t demand, or at least, expect people to respect you?  Isn’t that masochistic? Not unless you are so independent that you don’t really need people to respect you in order to feel your “self-worth”. Okay let’s set aside the “feeling” part of it. This is a “doing” world, if you don’t have people behaving properly , then how are you ever going to do anything great , or very least, productive? We are social animals... we need each other... we need the right people to interact with.

But the world is not always as any idealist would want it to be. It is full of lies, insecurities, backstabbing, manipulation, comparison, judgement, selfishness…and in some parts of the world- total cruelty.
Time is limited. You let go of what doesn’t work and move forward. To determine how long one should try overcoming a predicament is a grueling task. End of the day, you go back to God and ask your creator “Is this your will, God?”

Things are easier when you actually let go of what you “want” in life…Things are easier when your logical...Things are easier when you have faith…when you surrender to God’s will…that’s the easiest and most logical thing to do I suppose.

It is a “doing” world…it is a “living” world…where you simply live and do what you can …and do what is right… think Forrest Gump.

You see my thoughts are not well arranged. Just thinking out loud.

Calling Mother Earth

I asked my higher self 

to reincarnate in me.

And so it started. On my own.

 Bus towards the mystical mountain.

Total water immersion 

is a symbolism 

that I'm letting everything go.

Mother Earth.

North, East, West, and South...

"Kevin Costner danced with the wolves, I swam with the horses"

Musings before 30 ...

In the span of my not-so-experienced life, I have asked over and over what life is all about. The society has created its own standards I have so little concern for…mostly because much of it doesn't make sense to me. I believe at the end of the day, no matter how others would judge you, it is you and you alone who would solely be accountable for your own life…meaning to say- you create your own heaven and hell.

Life for me is a gift…a gift to experience…a gift to feel, see, touch, smell, taste…a gift to grow…to share...to love.. And as I've mentioned in my old posts, life is a gift that comes with…(Spider-man quote) Great Responsibility ! Because you see, we are all sharing one world…so we have to practice responsible living. Ha! Ha! Ha! Responsible living – don’t become a parasite! Parasites have their own part to play in the world and you have yours. Be a human being…be responsible…grow and share…

It is inevitable, and in fact, it is necessary for such a diverse human society to have a set of standards…rules and regulations…to create and enforce law! Whether I like it or not, I’m a subject to these standards, but it doesn't mean I cannot question them. Cultural, Societal, Governmental Standards…who created all of these? You see you have to constantly question, even religious standards. Once you follow blindly, you are in trouble; but once you question, you are socially castrated. Ha! Ha! Ha! What can I say, we are still evolving and our race is comparatively young against…well…the whole universe.

Isn't it interesting? To be reminded that we are just a speck in the vastness of this space?

Once you step out of that centered consciousness rooted in this realm…this society… can you feel it? That despite death, you are eternal? That- “Energy cannot be destroyed, only transformed”. That you are part God, alpha and omega which creates and recreates.

Snap! Snap! Let’s go back to earth.

What I know right now, is that, this world can use more idealists who are willing to work courageously for what is true and good. And you can start right where you are, you don’t need to go up to the mountains. You can start by being kind…by being polite…with your own family , right where you are.

I have a bad temper. I don’t get angry easily but when I do…I transform. Well I’m not proud it. I’m learning.

I was told that I should focus my energy and just do one thing because obviously I don’t have all the time in the world. So many things to do, so little time. I’m like a bunny rabbit bouncing off walls. I’m always sugar high. Do I need a mature man to stabilize and ground me? I don’t know. For now, I will stay sugar high. I tried being grounded.

There is so much work to do. I'ts not easy to do the right thing...specially when it's summer and all you want to do is bask under the sun...wear bikinis and all. ha! ha! ha!

Wow ! First time I wrote something so long again ! Snap! Snap!